Why on earth should I learn how to write? I hate writing, and I'll never want to write again once I get out of this stupid school. What's in it for me?
I'm glad you asked! These are some excellent questions, at least I thought so when I was struggling to get above the bottom of the class in my essay writing attempts.
So you hate writing. I did too...because I was hopeless. I hate failing. Surprise, surprise! Once I learned the secrets I shot to the top of the class, and spent my lunch breaks writing essays on words chosen at random. I really enjoyed writing an essay about the word - nothing! I liked putting my words on paper because I was no longer a failure.
You shouldn't bother learning to write if you will never use the ability. Can you guarantee that never in your life will you want to produce one of the following?
- a letter
- a resume
- a cover letter
- a book
- a bibliography
- a proposal
- a paper
- a thank you
- a business plan
- a business letter
- a letter of recommendation
- a thesis
- an obituary
Really? Are you sure that you will never want a job or want to write a love letter? What a boring life you will have if you don't want a job and don't have the ambition to write a business plan to persuade a bank to give you lots of lovely money!
Oh, so you do want to write the lyrics for a song that will be a million-seller? That is like wanting to build a cathedral before you learn to lay bricks!
What did the bricklayer do to start on his way to building a cathedral? He built a low wall (perhaps a plant-pot or barbecue) under supervision. He practiced, practiced, and practiced some more.
If his first wall fell down, he wouldn't have given up. That's why you want to give up your literary ambitions - you can't write. That's why your teacher is trying to show you how. The only trouble is, he teaches you all the rules, and knocks off marks when you break the rules. He won't if you learn my way of writing. Use the bricklayer's idea of learning by doing it over and over again, but make it more fun each time.
What?...you are an old killjoy and don't want any fun? Then here's a good way to practice. Get things cheaply from garage sales, or even free from the roadside rubbish. Advertise them on eBay. You will be practicing how to write persuasive essays. How will you know when you succeed? You will make a sale, and some money! How will you know when your salesmanship has improved? You will sell more of the things that you advertise for higher bids. If you hate fun, will money encourage you?
